According To Their Desire

Something I have learned as I have acknowledged God's hand in my life is that He grants unto me according to my desires (see Alma 29:4; see also Alma 29, D&C 6:8, 7:8, 11:8, and 4:3). In seeking definition of my desires, I have found in my heart and my Patriarchal Blessing that it is my desire to share the beauty and blessings of the gospel and life itself with God's children. I feel that Nauvoo is one opportunity the Lord is giving me to do so.

I've known about Nauvoo since my sister played the trumpet in the band a few years ago (2009?). I don't remember much about it except that she forgot my birthday in one of her e-mails and that she came home singing songs she had written about her love for the place and wishing she could go back. However, Nauvoo was never in my plans.

In fact, music itself wasn't really in my plans until this past fall semester. I have played clarinet for years, but always shied from the idea of doing anything more with it than playing in a band. Finally I gave into the Spirit and decided I needed to become a music minor. The hardest thing to sign up for was private lessons-- but I learned later that had I not, I would not have been prepared to audition, nor would I have known how much I really enjoy playing music.

October Conference was extremely exciting: I cried and cried after I listened to the Prophet's announcement that I, a nineteen-year-old, could now serve a mission. I have always had a desire to serve, and here God was granting unto me according to my desire. I wanted to leave right away-- December, if I could.

I prayed and fasted and fasted and prayed and talked to my Bishop, but for some reason I wasn't receiving a sure answer on either side of the issue. I was distressed about the heavy decision that lay before me. After thinking a lot about the place of agency in decision making, I decided to just go forward toward serving, and began instead pondering about the time I should leave. While pondering in the temple, I felt really good about leaving in May. And I also felt good about the month of September. The ambiguity only confused me more.

In band the next week, we heard an announcement from Elder Brague about Nauvoo-- which would be a program from May until about September. Well, there was the answer.

I prepared my audition and sent it in, and during the wait began to feel disappointed that I would only be serving for three and a half months, instead of 18. But the more I thought, the more I realized that this, too, is God's work, and "why should I desire more than to perform the work to which I have been called?" (Alma 29:6).

After the call back audition, I was more excited than ever and felt such a strong desire to serve in Nauvoo, where I could be influenced by that wonderful spirit of love, truth, and sacrifice, and specifically to gain a stronger testimony of the Restoration of the Church and of the Prophet Joseph Smith. I was overjoyed to learn that I would be a part of the historic band, and relive the wonderful heritage of the early Church.

Since, I have considered again the question of a full-time mission. After much more deliberation and prayer and waiting for things to pan out, I have just this week received assurance that it will be my blessing to serve a full-time mission after Nauvoo. I plan on receiving my mission call in the Beautiful City itself, from whence so many others were also called to serve missions. Here, again, I find so much joy in knowing that God is merciful and aware of my desires, and that "if [I] have desires to serve God, [I] am called to the work."